"Ah HELL no!"

"What's that, why am I up blogging at 5:13 AM?"  "Is it because of my horrible cold that my rotten husband gave me?" "Are one of my children up sick?" "Were nightmares visiting about plane crashes?"

"Ah HELL no!"  I'm not up for any of those reasons, I'm up because....MY DAMN DOG PISSED ON ME!!!!!

"STOP LAUGHING, IT IS NOT FUNNY!!!" (I don't care if I laughed when he did it to my husband last year, it's NOT the same!)

My pug Kramer. My shadow.  My adoring worshipper. The one who looks at me with such love, loyalty and devotion, PISSED ON ME!!!!!

I was all comfy and cozy, enjoying my medicated induced slumber when a strange noise and movement in bed awoke me.  Kramer was making sounds like a sick pig I swear.  Snorting, squealing and sneezing...I was actually really worried. I thought "oh no, my poor baby has gotten my cold and is sick, I don't have time nor money for this." (vet bills and forcing meds down his throat entered my head)

"Kramer hunny, come here.  Come see mommy.  What's the matter luv?  Did you get mommy's cold?  You not feeling good?" (Stop it!  YES,  I DO TALK TO MY DOG "that way"  Gotta problem with that???!!!)

Kramer army crawls his way up to from the foot of the bed, (he ALWAYS sleeps up by my head so I knew something was up). ANYWAYS...he army crawls up to me, climbs up my body, (I told you I was a large woman, so YES he "climbed" up me) and laid his body across mine bringing his adorable little face inches away from mine, stared into my eyes and PISSED ON ME!!!

I laid there like a dumb ass, KNOWING he was pissing on me from the warmth and that God awful smell  that only piss has, spread across me. I was in shock I think, MY fur baby does NOT piss on me! He loves and adores me!  He may have pissed on my husband a time or two in the past, but really, if you knew my husband, you would understand....Hell, I want to piss on my husband most days too....LOL.

After the shock wore off (5 seconds later), I scooped up my pissy pup and carted his ass outside, and returned to my bed to strip it (Shawn was sleeping downstairs again, because the basement is cooler and he doesn't have to be woken up by me tossing and turning because I'm restless and whiny when I'm sick, even when I sleep apparently. LOL)

So I strip the bed, put on new bedding and go to bring Kramer back inside.  I figure he has had plenty of time to finish whatever business he didn't finish on me...

No Kramer waiting at the back door..hmm.  Strange.  He usually can't wait to come back inside, (he is so not an outdoor doggy).  I send my son out to go get him (he too, was up because "nature called", I was thankful HE didn't decide to come in and piss on me too!).

After I finished washing up and changing my clothes I step out of the bathroom to see the most pathetic sight I have ever seen. My fur baby was standing by the back door, with his tail between his legs, head hanging and his big, brown eyes peeking up at me in shame.  (I know there are alot of you out there who aren't animal lovers, and don't "get it" when it comes to people like me, who truly treat their "pet" like a family member  (one they actually love that is). Let me tell you, they DO have feelings, they DO, show emotion.  This dog honestly was feeling ashamed, and scared, you could see IT, clear as day, written across his squished in, furry face. My poor pooch thought he was going to be disowned or beaten.  Maybe he was having flashbacks from his former abusive owners who he was rescued from, I don't know, but this dog was scared.  I called him to me and told him it was time for bed again and the poor little guy actually looked like friggin "Eeyore" from Winnie the Pooh! Head down, tail between his legs and moping along like he just lost his best friend, and went to his crate!  My baby does NOT sleep in a crate!  Never has!  His place is in bed with us.  This was depressing the hell out of me looking at him like that! I got down on the floor and called him to me, telling him it was ok, that I knew he didn't mean to, it was accident (one I could have prevented if I had remembered to let him go out before taking him to bed hours earlier).  This was my fault (God I hate it when I have to admit that!!) I DIDN'T LET HIM OUT EARLIER!  How friggin' stupid am I???  Poor dog is looking all pathetic and "Eeyore-ish" because of me. 

I had to actually pick him up because he wouldn't come to me.  He actually backed away from me when I went to pick him up...I cried (YES I CRIED! If you would have seen him, you would have too unless you didn't have a heart)

I picked him up and hugged him and told him that I wasn't mad, it was my own fault. I washed his stinky, pissy little belly off and tucked him into bed with me and snuggled him until I could actually feel the tension leave his body..

I suck!  How could I put my poor pooch in a position like that?  I promise to never forget to let him out again, SCOUTS HONOUR.....

So,  now you know why I am blogging at this ungodly hour, and you will understand WHY I am now going back to sleep......

Good night..... again!